As long as you are Happy

I keep on thinking...whether should i write this...

i thought the previous blog is the last blog i've ever written..

I thought i can really handle everything by myself..

I thought i can stop spitting out everything here and put it inside my heart.

i thought..........

............................................

my heart's quota is full...

is full with all kinds of feelings..

Till this very moment, everywhere i go, memories owez strikes me harshly in my heart..

However, i trained myself not to let it bleed out to the outer appearance.

I'm strong!...

I wont let you know all this while how i tell myself...

How i "chui mian" myself..what i did at first, is my right choice for you and her..

Now i think back, 2 months ago..is the right choice i never answer all those calls you called..

and you stop calling or even greet me " merry christmas" until now..

well..maybe i should be proud of you, you choose the right way..

i should be proud of you, somehow..you also helped me in changing to another person..

I'm happy actually...

I...............

Today is the last day of 2011...I remember the same day last year...I cried so badly until i bring it forward to the next year which is this year..

Do you remember wat you told me? do you?

well...i bet you forgot..i remember so clearly without even trying to think..

cz wat ever you told me i put in heart..n i dun know wat on earth i did that for...

This 2 months of loosing contact wif each other, actually i felt double emotions..

FIrst..of cz..i felt relieved..i felt I'm doing something good for you..I want you to be happy..I don't want you to be upset b'cz of me..so i did tat choice not to pick up your phone..

I see it rings so many times..i want to pick up..but i urge myself..not to..b'cz it might spoil my plan..well at least i did a good job in it..

SECONDLY..

i felt so depressed...i felt so sad..

all this years..we know each other...we never once loose contact wif each other..

and now...i stop it..i cut it off..jz b'cz i love u so damn much..

BUT

the happiness i want from you covers all those hurts and depressed that i'm facing..

so all i need to do is just telling myself all this is just to see u smile and b happy wif the person u are wif now..

Is good that we never contact..at least you can earn back your trust in her again

and secondly, i can really focus on my studies..

seriously..

i know most of the times, memories owez pop up wherever i go..

at least..now..i smile while think back our memories..

i know you understand me more than i really do...

you must be thinking.."am i that strong? am i sure?"

well....

i can tell you the truth..

NO...not really...i struggle so much...i trained myself to convert tears into smile once memories of us strikes me..

BUT...it's only the beginning...is just the start..i have so many times to trained myself..

is oni 2 months...i can oredy see a bit of changes .

wat if few more months we never contact, even years...or even in future..

i believe..i can make it..i can smile and laugh without acting..

is so sad to let a person that understand each other to become like strangers...i felt so sad. If there is a choice...i will not loose even if it only left friendship..

but i know, if all this still continuee..i will be as bad as a satan..

if in years to come...you saw me anywhere in streets...just say hi to me..i wont run away or act like i don't know you...

cz...i know you..from the bottom of my heart..

Well..i know there is no other ways you and her can read my blog,

so...yea..you wont see this anyway...

so..

yea..

HAPPY BLESSED NEW YEAR to u

and May your happiness be forever wif the person u love..

in advance..
Happy Chinese New Year, Happy Valentines,

and

HAPPY birthday to u...

n

i miss you..

Last blogging~

I love to blog..

because i don't know where to express everything in my heart.

However, what you write in the blog can lead to a misunderstanding because it only needed a pair of eye to read.

So~

This gonna be the last blog for now.

So I'll just end this blog with what i gone through the whole day.

I can't sleep the whole night last nite~ thinking a lot of things..

Woke up very early cz i have a performance in ums.

Tried my very best to fit in the flow throughout the performance, Thank God everything went ok~..

After everything ended, went to fetch my mom..

My mom keep asking "why are you so quiet?"

and stupid me answer " Cz I'm hungry, no tenaga to talk" =.=

I went to cut my hair again~..

I jut don't know how to explain, each time i'm too happy....I will go and cut my hair..

however it helps a lot in releasing a lot of my stressness and burdenss.

This blog gonna be the last..

I dun knw where to release everything.. maybe have to 看海 more often now..

But it helps a lot in reducing misunderstanding..

Well~...

everything back to the heart..i hope it has more capacity to fit in all those frustration.

This blog was first created on the 10th August 2011..and end on the 29October 2011..

I read back all this 180 post..this what i gone through from the year 2009 till now 2011.

i knw my changes..

Okay~..not gonna write much..

Have a good day..

God bless everyone~

Why?

Second year of studying

everything is getting tougher each day~...

Stress and emotions strike every single day..

However, i tried my very best to become a better person, be a better person than the previous me.

Coming to 2 years dy,

During this period of time, i have change a lot...

you are the 1 that really cause me to change.

Because of you, i want to be stronger so tat i would not fall back to the same trap again..

Because of you, i tried so hard to slim down, build back the confidence that i once lost

Because of you, I train myself so hard in not to fall a single tears when hurts strike~..

Because of you...

Because of you...

Why?

Until this very moment..i still asking why?

It has been almost 2 years..i ask myself over and over again...WHY?

Why we still keep in touch..

Why we can't just put a fullstop..

Why you want my pics for..

Why do you call once awhile..

Why do i still layan you...

Why i just can't accept other guy..

Why do you still wanna meet up

Why?? Why?? Why??

all i want to knw is WHY?

DONT YOU DARE FALL a single drop of tears!

i don't want to cry!

i promise myself not to CRY!!

WHY!!

why??...

DONT you DARE fall a single drop of tears~..

I DON't want to CRY for the rest of my life!.....

pleaseeee~...

do u want me to beg in front of u??

I want my Happy JINN back..

where there is no fake smile~

TIme..

I believe u can heal me..

But please....

i need you to be faster~...

finish my studies, then i can leave KK for practical..

there...u can slowly heal me...

Get BACK up AGAIN

For those that seen me or know me should have known i have a bone dislocate from dancing last Sunday. yea~…it was not a severe injury where you need to do operation or wearing a cast instead of bandage which i’m using now. These is all because God had did a MIRACLE in my leg.

As what i recall during the dance, there is this movement which need one weight on hands on the right and left respectively, then suddenly when the weight was all on my left leg, i guess it was either bone or ligament just snap, i mean just when out where it suppose to be, then i loose balance and immediately landed on the floor with my hands holding my leg ( with either bone or ligament facing outward ) so hardly because the pain was so super duper till i can’t even shade a single tears. All i hope is i wont get step by the other dancers dew the songs as not ended yet.

But thank God after everything ended, Rachel which is the dance choreographer approach and ask whats the matter, then continue by my lovely dad. I was too focus on the pain till i can’t tell what happen but just to tell them and point to my knee. Both my dad and Rachel saw the “thing” pop out.. Straight away, my dad and one of my friend Roy carried me up to a chair.. As the minute both of them carried me up, i can feel that “thing” just went back in..it just pop back in where it suppose to be, without any major screams where u normally seen in TV dramas. The minute the “thing” when back in, I know it was God that put it back in without me noticing the pain. I knew it was God who did miracles in my leg. If it was not God that fix my problem, that “thing” might be still sticking out and has to force back in by the bone specialist..that time i should be screaming like nobody business!…but seriously THANK GOD!!..

I’m so bless with my lovely family and relatives that concern and take care of me. Not loosing out the CNN of the family mr ALAN CHONG who advertise the latest update to my friends and relatives in FB, up to date pics. Friends called up and sms me and those who wrote comments and prayer in my wall…i was so touch and happy to have such great friends.. you guys are a blessings to me. Thank God through out everything, YOu have shown your blessing to me..YOU have did a great MIRACLE in me..YOU are a GREAT GOD!!..

Determine to get THIN

DETERMINATION is a long big word..

same goes to the meaning of this word.

When you wanna slim down or just cut down calories inside your body,

is owez easy to say..

maybe the first 2 to 3 days u are keen and will do anything just to keep your diet..

but when..DETERMINATION fail!..

everything DOOM!

Same goes to me..

but thank GOD..

i never stop achieving one of my goal, which is to get thin..

but still...the word DETERMINATION again..is getting further now..

due to the busy period and going home late after work..

make me tired and off to bed to get a rest instead of doing my regular exercises..OH GOSH!..no good at all..

Well...from next week onwards..

NO CARBO!!

Breakfast - NO CARBO

Lunch - NO CARBO

Dinner - NO CARBO

Eat more VEGETABLES and FRUITS!..

Cut down sweet stuffs... ( bye YOYO )..well..maybe once in a while...oopsss..

Bye KOPI PING in FOOK YUEN..well..kurang manis la....hahaha..

n DRINK MORE WATER!!

and last n the most important thing...

EXERCISE!!..

no time for exercise is a bullshit..is just the same thing as giving excuses in no time to practice instrument..

Will try out for 3 months..

and see what results..

can show other ppl we don't need expensive treatment and pills to SLIM DOWN!

ANGRY BIRD cakeee??

An Angry bird cake??

how cute...

seriously need hearts and efforts to finish this whole bunch of angryyy birds...haha

Angry bird...

what next??

pig pig 猪cake?????...

i love to see it..haha..