As long as you are Happy

I keep on thinking...whether should i write this...

i thought the previous blog is the last blog i've ever written..

I thought i can really handle everything by myself..

I thought i can stop spitting out everything here and put it inside my heart.

i thought..........

............................................

my heart's quota is full...

is full with all kinds of feelings..

Till this very moment, everywhere i go, memories owez strikes me harshly in my heart..

However, i trained myself not to let it bleed out to the outer appearance.

I'm strong!...

I wont let you know all this while how i tell myself...

How i "chui mian" myself..what i did at first, is my right choice for you and her..

Now i think back, 2 months ago..is the right choice i never answer all those calls you called..

and you stop calling or even greet me " merry christmas" until now..

well..maybe i should be proud of you, you choose the right way..

i should be proud of you, somehow..you also helped me in changing to another person..

I'm happy actually...

I...............

Today is the last day of 2011...I remember the same day last year...I cried so badly until i bring it forward to the next year which is this year..

Do you remember wat you told me? do you?

well...i bet you forgot..i remember so clearly without even trying to think..

cz wat ever you told me i put in heart..n i dun know wat on earth i did that for...

This 2 months of loosing contact wif each other, actually i felt double emotions..

FIrst..of cz..i felt relieved..i felt I'm doing something good for you..I want you to be happy..I don't want you to be upset b'cz of me..so i did tat choice not to pick up your phone..

I see it rings so many times..i want to pick up..but i urge myself..not to..b'cz it might spoil my plan..well at least i did a good job in it..

SECONDLY..

i felt so depressed...i felt so sad..

all this years..we know each other...we never once loose contact wif each other..

and now...i stop it..i cut it off..jz b'cz i love u so damn much..

BUT

the happiness i want from you covers all those hurts and depressed that i'm facing..

so all i need to do is just telling myself all this is just to see u smile and b happy wif the person u are wif now..

Is good that we never contact..at least you can earn back your trust in her again

and secondly, i can really focus on my studies..

seriously..

i know most of the times, memories owez pop up wherever i go..

at least..now..i smile while think back our memories..

i know you understand me more than i really do...

you must be thinking.."am i that strong? am i sure?"

well....

i can tell you the truth..

NO...not really...i struggle so much...i trained myself to convert tears into smile once memories of us strikes me..

BUT...it's only the beginning...is just the start..i have so many times to trained myself..

is oni 2 months...i can oredy see a bit of changes .

wat if few more months we never contact, even years...or even in future..

i believe..i can make it..i can smile and laugh without acting..

is so sad to let a person that understand each other to become like strangers...i felt so sad. If there is a choice...i will not loose even if it only left friendship..

but i know, if all this still continuee..i will be as bad as a satan..

if in years to come...you saw me anywhere in streets...just say hi to me..i wont run away or act like i don't know you...

cz...i know you..from the bottom of my heart..

Well..i know there is no other ways you and her can read my blog,

so...yea..you wont see this anyway...

so..

yea..

HAPPY BLESSED NEW YEAR to u

and May your happiness be forever wif the person u love..

in advance..
Happy Chinese New Year, Happy Valentines,

and

HAPPY birthday to u...

n

i miss you..

Last blogging~

I love to blog..

because i don't know where to express everything in my heart.

However, what you write in the blog can lead to a misunderstanding because it only needed a pair of eye to read.

So~

This gonna be the last blog for now.

So I'll just end this blog with what i gone through the whole day.

I can't sleep the whole night last nite~ thinking a lot of things..

Woke up very early cz i have a performance in ums.

Tried my very best to fit in the flow throughout the performance, Thank God everything went ok~..

After everything ended, went to fetch my mom..

My mom keep asking "why are you so quiet?"

and stupid me answer " Cz I'm hungry, no tenaga to talk" =.=

I went to cut my hair again~..

I jut don't know how to explain, each time i'm too happy....I will go and cut my hair..

however it helps a lot in releasing a lot of my stressness and burdenss.

This blog gonna be the last..

I dun knw where to release everything.. maybe have to 看海 more often now..

But it helps a lot in reducing misunderstanding..

Well~...

everything back to the heart..i hope it has more capacity to fit in all those frustration.

This blog was first created on the 10th August 2011..and end on the 29October 2011..

I read back all this 180 post..this what i gone through from the year 2009 till now 2011.

i knw my changes..

Okay~..not gonna write much..

Have a good day..

God bless everyone~

Why?

Second year of studying

everything is getting tougher each day~...

Stress and emotions strike every single day..

However, i tried my very best to become a better person, be a better person than the previous me.

Coming to 2 years dy,

During this period of time, i have change a lot...

you are the 1 that really cause me to change.

Because of you, i want to be stronger so tat i would not fall back to the same trap again..

Because of you, i tried so hard to slim down, build back the confidence that i once lost

Because of you, I train myself so hard in not to fall a single tears when hurts strike~..

Because of you...

Because of you...

Why?

Until this very moment..i still asking why?

It has been almost 2 years..i ask myself over and over again...WHY?

Why we still keep in touch..

Why we can't just put a fullstop..

Why you want my pics for..

Why do you call once awhile..

Why do i still layan you...

Why i just can't accept other guy..

Why do you still wanna meet up

Why?? Why?? Why??

all i want to knw is WHY?

DONT YOU DARE FALL a single drop of tears!

i don't want to cry!

i promise myself not to CRY!!

WHY!!

why??...

DONT you DARE fall a single drop of tears~..

I DON't want to CRY for the rest of my life!.....

pleaseeee~...

do u want me to beg in front of u??

I want my Happy JINN back..

where there is no fake smile~

TIme..

I believe u can heal me..

But please....

i need you to be faster~...

finish my studies, then i can leave KK for practical..

there...u can slowly heal me...

Get BACK up AGAIN

For those that seen me or know me should have known i have a bone dislocate from dancing last Sunday. yea~…it was not a severe injury where you need to do operation or wearing a cast instead of bandage which i’m using now. These is all because God had did a MIRACLE in my leg.

As what i recall during the dance, there is this movement which need one weight on hands on the right and left respectively, then suddenly when the weight was all on my left leg, i guess it was either bone or ligament just snap, i mean just when out where it suppose to be, then i loose balance and immediately landed on the floor with my hands holding my leg ( with either bone or ligament facing outward ) so hardly because the pain was so super duper till i can’t even shade a single tears. All i hope is i wont get step by the other dancers dew the songs as not ended yet.

But thank God after everything ended, Rachel which is the dance choreographer approach and ask whats the matter, then continue by my lovely dad. I was too focus on the pain till i can’t tell what happen but just to tell them and point to my knee. Both my dad and Rachel saw the “thing” pop out.. Straight away, my dad and one of my friend Roy carried me up to a chair.. As the minute both of them carried me up, i can feel that “thing” just went back in..it just pop back in where it suppose to be, without any major screams where u normally seen in TV dramas. The minute the “thing” when back in, I know it was God that put it back in without me noticing the pain. I knew it was God who did miracles in my leg. If it was not God that fix my problem, that “thing” might be still sticking out and has to force back in by the bone specialist..that time i should be screaming like nobody business!…but seriously THANK GOD!!..

I’m so bless with my lovely family and relatives that concern and take care of me. Not loosing out the CNN of the family mr ALAN CHONG who advertise the latest update to my friends and relatives in FB, up to date pics. Friends called up and sms me and those who wrote comments and prayer in my wall…i was so touch and happy to have such great friends.. you guys are a blessings to me. Thank God through out everything, YOu have shown your blessing to me..YOU have did a great MIRACLE in me..YOU are a GREAT GOD!!..

Determine to get THIN

DETERMINATION is a long big word..

same goes to the meaning of this word.

When you wanna slim down or just cut down calories inside your body,

is owez easy to say..

maybe the first 2 to 3 days u are keen and will do anything just to keep your diet..

but when..DETERMINATION fail!..

everything DOOM!

Same goes to me..

but thank GOD..

i never stop achieving one of my goal, which is to get thin..

but still...the word DETERMINATION again..is getting further now..

due to the busy period and going home late after work..

make me tired and off to bed to get a rest instead of doing my regular exercises..OH GOSH!..no good at all..

Well...from next week onwards..

NO CARBO!!

Breakfast - NO CARBO

Lunch - NO CARBO

Dinner - NO CARBO

Eat more VEGETABLES and FRUITS!..

Cut down sweet stuffs... ( bye YOYO )..well..maybe once in a while...oopsss..

Bye KOPI PING in FOOK YUEN..well..kurang manis la....hahaha..

n DRINK MORE WATER!!

and last n the most important thing...

EXERCISE!!..

no time for exercise is a bullshit..is just the same thing as giving excuses in no time to practice instrument..

Will try out for 3 months..

and see what results..

can show other ppl we don't need expensive treatment and pills to SLIM DOWN!

ANGRY BIRD cakeee??

An Angry bird cake??

how cute...

seriously need hearts and efforts to finish this whole bunch of angryyy birds...haha

Angry bird...

what next??

pig pig 猪cake?????...

i love to see it..haha..

You started calling again~..

I dun know in what reason..

you start calling again..

start asking where am i

start asking what am i doing

start asking how am i the whole day..

yes..u never once stop asking "what you doing?"

Well..

i had promise myself ..

a promise that can help me not fall back into hurts again..

a promise that will make me stronger in life..

the 2nd piercing is to remind myself..

each time i look into the mirror...

the 2nd piercing reminded me so strongly..

Each time u call..

I remind myself again not to think too much..

I remind myself it was only just a frenly call..

yes...and these are the thoughts that are owez stay in my heart..

and it will never change..

forever..

B'cz of the past..

I protect myself from hurt

I protect myself from being used..

I protect myself in sweet talks and "promise" that never once made..

Tat's y i am more careful in life

Tat is one of the reason why i dun wanna meet u..

Give me more time..

I will meet u again..

tat time..no other feelings juz oni Friend..

there will be tat day..

but..

thanks again for caring..

appreciate it a lot..

Baby Carmen~....

Baby Carmen~..

She is just so adorable..

each time i see her.. her smile just melted everyones heart..

but..1 thing

she choose ppl..

oni want liang zai ko ko to carry...hahaha...

but she just soooo cute~...

之前和之后的“笑”

I love to smile...

Since baby...sleep oso smile...

I knw i love to smile...

Smile can make ppl happy...

Smile is suppose to be from the heart...

I know...i love to smileee

BUT..

When a person had reach to a certain age,

where they experience hurt,

where they really know what love means,

where they know how heart pain it is to be hurt by a person u love the most..

S.M.I.L.E

can be fake..

no more from the heart..

only a show..

it had become another tool to hide the hurt u have..

我爱笑

baby的时候，睡觉都会笑

我知道我是爱笑。

笑能够让周围的人感觉温馨和开心。

笑是因该从心底的

我知道....我是爱笑的...

但是

当一个人长大了。

当一个人经历过伤痛的时候，

当一个人明白什么事爱的时候，

当一个人被一个她很爱的人伤的时候，

笑

已变成的很假，

已不时发自内心的笑容，

“它”变成了一种掩饰，

“它”变成了一种用具掩盖心里面的痛

BUT!!

I belive..

once u learn your lesson..

you are even more wiser~!!..

u stand back on the ground..

force yourself to be stronger~..

I believe!!

there will be this one day..maybe not now..

smile can be from the heart again..

但是！！

我相信

以当你从失败中学习

你会比之前聪明了许多。。

你会再爬起来。。

逼自己坚强起来

我相信！！

总会有这一天，也许不是现在

“笑”可以再次从 心底的。

2nd piercing means..

This 2nd piercing is to remind myself not to fall back into your arms..

Dun knw whether the ear ring i gave it to u, u still keep a not.....

but if u wanna throw..up to u...

" Cam Whorrinnggg " with my short hair..

Never tried taking pics like this for quite some time dy...

After cutting short my hair...i think this is the first "cam-whorringgg"...

=.="

Well~...

That's all for today~..

Came back~!!

Just came back from my trip to KL, Malacca and Penang for almost a week..

However.. am kinda lazy to update my blog...

Well...will uploads some pic on and off bout the trip~...

All i know is...

I'm fresh back from my trip..

back to the straight path...

I'm really trying very hard to keep u out my mind.. and is working day by day..

so plz dun ask me out, cz i dun wanna see u

and u shud know the reason..

I will reply u...

but plz dun ask stupid question..u not a kid nymore..

~..i'll appreciate it lotzz~

Thank u~...

WOW~...talk like i'm grown up ba...keke...

Well...I AM..

and I'm strong enough not to fall back into your arms...

and u make me strong..so be proud of me instead~

Christina Perri - Jar of Hearts..

Listen to this song..and those are words tat i want u to know..

Dun tell me.."we dun know what will happen in future"

that is just another bullshit..

sry to be hush~..but tats the truth..

isn't it true??

Well...we are still frens..no doubt...

keep it..precious as a frenship..

Packing to KL wif KFC gang~!!..

Finally...

First time in my whole entire life, going holiday out of Sabah alone with friends,

Not with parentssss...

OH GOSH~!!..

I can't believe it..~!! YEAH~!!..

Well... First of all..

THANKS papa n mama for allowing..

Have to learn how to spend wisely...

Canot simply simply waste money dy...hehe..

I will take this 1 week to tune back my life..

I felt tat, is so hard to just put down a feeling..

I need more stronger strength,,

More laughter

Lesser tears..No..shud say

NO TEARS anymore..

Well...

This is LIFE~..

sometimes u got to experiece a lil bit of bitter and sour in life~

There is no such thing of sweetness throughout a life journey~..

No matter what..

Thanks for asking and caring again..

SHORT AGAIN~

Cut short again.... Cut off all those unhappiness again..but just now u just added few more sadness. you knw? you noticed? i bet u dun knw a thing..well...true oso...what am i thinking~?

I really dun knw why?

What issit so much to check on me?

You know tat each time you sms, you add another hurt on me..

You never notice all this...

I dun understand~...

I thought u know how i feel, I tot u know how to let me go....

Let me go meanss....completely CUT OFF from me ..

I thought tat is what you want~!!..

so what you really want now?

I think of YOU

This view is taken in front of Wisma..

Nice view...

Each time i look at the calm sea..

No doubt, i think of u..

But is another way how i remind myself to be strong.

海

YOu did a great job again...

THUMBS UP for u..

First Day of July

Today is the first day of July.

Time really flies by so quickly.

I can't imagine that it has been half a year dy..

What have i done in the fist half of the year?

waiting~.. I've been waiting for more than a year.

I'm so glad that i have made a stop in this.

Is not i give up, Is just that giving both side leaving a better life.

2nd half of the year i hope everything goes smoothly,

From the day we stop texting each other, i knew that i have made the right choice.

Seeing you now living your life without guilt,

seeing you now living your life without me as one of your burden,

Well...

I'm learning and never easy to put down.

This is part of life,

you have teach me how 2 be more stronger in my life.

Sometimes i ask God, why you treat me like this? why you can live life so happily and leaving me facing all those pain and hurts alone.

Now i understand...

All this while, All these years...

I really know what is LOVE.

Love doesn't mean must be together

like there's a chinese terms..

“爱不一定是占有"

而是

"爱是为彼此祝福”

Love doesn't mean owning someone, but is to give blessing to the person you love.

Well...

As long your face is showing the happy look

My face will also happy for you.

As for me..

NO worries..

I can handle myself~..

All the BEst to u~..

Love~.

When you love somebody so much,

you will want him or her to be happy,

you will want him or her to be the most joyful and happy person in the world,

no matter whether you have him or her to be in your life, because he or she oredy did appear in your life.

Though sometimes you think is a waste just to end like this,

but when you think he or she is happy with what it is now,

it makes you wanna happy for him or her....

Well..

Is never easy to say " I will forget you"

Cz you wont and impossible to forget the person u love.

It has been just a few weeks, but it seems like yearss...

It might be a good thing for both party.

How are you lately?

Happy? i bet u are~...

Well...good for you..

Keep up the happiness then....

:)

祝你生日快乐

Today is your birthday~!!

Wish you a Wonderful and memorable BIRTHDAY~!!

Happy everyday~!!

Your gift..

I keep it in my shelves

That is for you, so i wont give it away.

That gift kinda has meaning.

everything inside that glass bowl, is "baobei"

What u gave me, everything will b inside.

Well..

That is just a gift.

For NOW~!!

YOU

Forget the pass and live and per sue your goal

you have a goal i know..

SO go for it~!!..

With what you have now, with what work you are working now

WORK hard to achieve what you wanted~

All the best in life..

and take good care of your health..

AND AND AND

Yen yee's baby just gave birth to a baby girl at 4pm just now.

same date with your b'day~!!

happy for her~

Happy BIRTHDAY~

生日快乐~！！

to you

and

WELCOME

a new born baby~

Happy?

Thanks for standing in my shoe

I know you do it b'cz u dun wan me to cry.

This is also good for you, one day u will know it

Well~..

Good that you are happy now, so am I

4 days more to your birthday~

Not long from now..

I believe u will have a memorable one~..

Happy Birthday~