I keep on thinking...whether should i write this...
i thought the previous blog is the last blog i've ever written..
I thought i can really handle everything by myself..
I thought i can stop spitting out everything here and put it inside my heart.
i thought..........
............................................
my heart's quota is full...
is full with all kinds of feelings..
Till this very moment, everywhere i go, memories owez strikes me harshly in my heart..
However, i trained myself not to let it bleed out to the outer appearance.
I'm strong!...
I wont let you know all this while how i tell myself...
How i "chui mian" myself..what i did at first, is my right choice for you and her..
Now i think back, 2 months ago..is the right choice i never answer all those calls you called..
and you stop calling or even greet me " merry christmas" until now..
well..maybe i should be proud of you, you choose the right way..
i should be proud of you, somehow..you also helped me in changing to another person..
I'm happy actually...
I...............
Today is the last day of 2011...I remember the same day last year...I cried so badly until i bring it forward to the next year which is this year..
Do you remember wat you told me? do you?
well...i bet you forgot..i remember so clearly without even trying to think..
cz wat ever you told me i put in heart..n i dun know wat on earth i did that for...
This 2 months of loosing contact wif each other, actually i felt double emotions..
FIrst..of cz..i felt relieved..i felt I'm doing something good for you..I want you to be happy..I don't want you to be upset b'cz of me..so i did tat choice not to pick up your phone..
I see it rings so many times..i want to pick up..but i urge myself..not to..b'cz it might spoil my plan..well at least i did a good job in it..
SECONDLY..
i felt so depressed...i felt so sad..
all this years..we know each other...we never once loose contact wif each other..
and now...i stop it..i cut it off..jz b'cz i love u so damn much..
BUT
the happiness i want from you covers all those hurts and depressed that i'm facing..
so all i need to do is just telling myself all this is just to see u smile and b happy wif the person u are wif now..
Is good that we never contact..at least you can earn back your trust in her again
and secondly, i can really focus on my studies..
seriously..
i know most of the times, memories owez pop up wherever i go..
at least..now..i smile while think back our memories..
i know you understand me more than i really do...
you must be thinking.."am i that strong? am i sure?"
well....
i can tell you the truth..
NO...not really...i struggle so much...i trained myself to convert tears into smile once memories of us strikes me..
BUT...it's only the beginning...is just the start..i have so many times to trained myself..
is oni 2 months...i can oredy see a bit of changes .
wat if few more months we never contact, even years...or even in future..
i believe..i can make it..i can smile and laugh without acting..
is so sad to let a person that understand each other to become like strangers...i felt so sad. If there is a choice...i will not loose even if it only left friendship..
but i know, if all this still continuee..i will be as bad as a satan..
if in years to come...you saw me anywhere in streets...just say hi to me..i wont run away or act like i don't know you...
cz...i know you..from the bottom of my heart..
Well..i know there is no other ways you and her can read my blog,
so...yea..you wont see this anyway...
so..
yea..
HAPPY BLESSED NEW YEAR to u
and May your happiness be forever wif the person u love..
in advance..
Happy Chinese New Year, Happy Valentines,
Happy Chinese New Year, Happy Valentines,
and
HAPPY birthday to u...
n
i miss you..
